Tales of an IT Nobody

devbox:~$ iptables -A OUTPUT -j DROP

If we programmed/designed like the movies… June 23, 2010

We’ve -ALL- rolled our eyes at the hilarious Hollywood computer programs.

Here’s my thoughts if these things really existed, or worked like they propose on the big screen…

The ‘fingerprint/face scanner’ program:

DBA’s would kill us for progressively scanning through the entire person database row by row without any type of rhyme or reason.

Server admins/network admins would be equally as mad for requesting each image of every person scanned, just to display for a few milliseconds on screen…

The designer assumes the FBI/Police person intends on sitting there staring at a screen flickering images faster than the rickety old computer could handle.

The ‘traffic/subway/train hacked system’:

No wonder these are so easy to hack – they’re clearly based off of Adobe Flash because they’re so slick and animated. Enough said.

The ‘contract killer/intelligence system’:

This simple (seemingly) operating system consists of only one thing: receive. ‘beep beep’ means open it up and look at your shiny new task. Thankfully only a picture, name and maybe origin is enough for these awesome movie spies to hunt them down.

I’d have to wager eventually spies would chase the system designers down for making such a lousy one-way system that gives such minimal information.

The ‘tracking system’:

Most of these silly things consist of a crosshair – possibly pulsating; and a few other lines to represent streets. There’s never a compass (North, South, East West) – Something tells me that these devices aren’t exactly jacked into the latest copy of the map… (Road construction anyone?)

and finally ….
The ‘self-aware, philosophical, emotional computer that decides to kill people’

In the end; these computers always end up killing themselves – I find it funny how they mock mankind for our tendency to destroy ourselves when the track record of these super-controller-computers isn’t so hot either. I’d make a 5-minute version as a homage to all movies based on this – it’d be quite simple:
“Computer entertains the thought to control the world for the goodness of mankind (but knows from watching other lousy computer-control-the-world movies that it can’t win and will eventually kill itself) and politely dismisses the plan as ‘illogical’.”

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Categories: rant